Rude Guests - A New Low

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UNDJ

Member
I know we’ve all complained about this subjectcountless times, but I have to just let loose about last night…

I had two cases of what I would consider to be “insanerudeness”.

CASE 1: As I’mlining the bridal party up and doing roll call, I said a Groomsman’s name (itwas super easy, so he wasn’t ticked I screwed it up or anything like that). His response? “You’re an a**hole.”

Wow! Now,this guy was already drunk, but WHO THE HECK DOES THAT?

The other Groomsmen apologized on his behalf but Iwas still ticked. He ended up needing tobe escorted out of the reception shortly after dinner as he could no longerstand up by himself. Sad.

CASE 2: I’mplaying “Bill Medley & Jennifer Warnes – I’ve Had The Time Of My Life” asthe second-to-last song. Full floor, Bridedancing, etc. A younger woman approachedme and asked “Could you change this song, like right now? This is boring.” I said “I’m sorry but I’m only playing onemore song and the Bride already picked it.”

Her response? “You’re such a f***ing c*nt.”

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?!?!?!? AGAIN, WHO THE HECK DOES THAT?

I couldn’t believe this. I’ve been heckled and called a few things in mytime, but this was a new low.

I ended the night strong and the Bride & Groom andthe parents thanked me, etc. I was stillenraged by the rude young woman and when I walked into the foyer, I saw hersitting on a couch, chugging a Corona andtalking to one of the Bridesmaids. Iapproached her and said “I think you owe me an apology for the way you spoke tome.” She played dumb and said “I have noidea why you’re talking to me because I really don’t f***king care.”

My fists were clenching at this point I was soangry. I simply said “You are one of therudest people I’ve ever encountered in my life.” and walked away before I lostmy cool and started calling her a few choice things.

The Bride & Groom and the parents were stillthere and I actually thought about pulling them into it, just to embarrass thisgirl, but calmed myself enough that I decided to just let it go. But good golly I was mad!!!

I just don’t get it. I just hit 17 years in the biz and it seemsto me people have become ruder and ruder over time, especially in the past 3years or so.

This was more of a vent but if anyone would like tocomment, tell me what you would’ve done, share similar stories, I’m allears. Thanks!
 

jimeppes

New Member
Lesson number 1 in 1973 from a bartender whom had been working since WWII at the first bar\disco I was working...

You can NOT reason, argue or make sense with a drunk, crazy person or a fool.

How much emotional energy did You just waste...

How much time did You just take off Your life with the stress from this drunk, crazy person, fool?

STEVE Z!!!!!!!!!!! Jump in here and give us all a lesson on how to close our eyes, count to ten and let go of this kind of stress.

LDJ

p.s. I just had a meeting with a Bride (3rd wedding for this family) and we established a go to person if someone gets out of control.

WHY?? Because the wedding is going to be at a private house on the Beach miles away from where we all live (driving drunk, no not gonna happen)

That go to person will NOT be the B&G or her \his mom and dad. I will not bother someone on their Wedding day unless the house is going to explode. Just had a Wedding where the mother of the bride hurt her hip, the Bride and her new hubby never knew about it until the next day.
 
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Bill_Goode

Mobile Beat Moderator
Staff member
It goes with the job, and I have been called worse and even had clients LIE TO MY FACE about situations just to get out of paying (did not happen, I still got paid)....

Funny now, but very true story...

Years ago, just after moving back to Georgia from New York, started working this bar on Saturday nights on the south end of town. The owner was discussing his more colorful patrons, and we came up with a standing deal between him, the bouncer, and me.

If any trouble was ever brewing, I was to play the slowest, most obscure Sinatra song I had. It was a signal, a way to diffuse the the energy in the room, and a fast way to take the wind out of the sails of any trouble. The bar owner was a former attorney and cop, his wife a former judge, and the bouncer a Sheriff's deputy, and they knew what they were talking about as I had to use it only once in the two years he owned the place.

Friday night, the venue I was working was expecting some family drama. I volunteered as bouncer (I knew the folks who both owned the venue and the bridal party). Set up the same thing with them, but never had to use it.

Just let it roll off your back. Escalating a situation is never worth it unless we are at risk, our equipment is at risk, or our pay is at risk.

Words, while bitter, are easier to shrug off than battery charges or escalation of bad moods.
 

bobbyd

Member
Just think of how good you would have felt if YOU had the ability to give a slight eye roll and a shoulder shrug in response to both incidents? After some 20 years in this biz I use that "learned" technique anytime I get someone with a case of the A**. It works. No escalation and you look as cool as a cucumber in the heat of the situation. Also, try it the next time someone cuts you off in traffic, as it works there too.
 

robertbenda

Active Member
There are and always have been fools, jerks, and bullies. Mixing in alcohol just makes it worse.

The right move is to ignore it. When you tried to call her out in front of everyone you were also being rude since it wasn't private. And even more pointless if she was drunk.

The moment you feel threatened or harassed, then it's good to include others. Until then, any negative reaction from you is only escalating.

I'm (un)fortunate that I get to practice what I preach due to my wife's 13 year old daughter in our house being pretty awful (examples: calling a 4 year old 'stupid' and "What will happen to the business if you two get divorced?"). It takes a lot of effort sometimes, but anything else is destructive. As good as it may feel to strike back, you're just lowering yourself to being like them.
 

jodi

Active Member
I had two cases of what I would consider to be “insane rudeness”.
{snip story}
... His response? “You’re an a**hole.” Wow! Now,this guy was already drunk, but WHO THE HECK DOES THAT?

{snip story}
... A younger woman approached me and asked “Could you change this song, like right now? This is boring.” I said “I’m sorry but I’m only playing one more song and the Bride already picked it.” Her response? “You’re such a f***ing c*nt.”ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?!?!?!? AGAIN, WHO THE HECK DOES THAT?
I know it feels rude, and ungrateful, and unnecessary, and ignorant, and mean .... but please don't take "it" personally. You answered your questions "WHO THE HECK DOES THAT?" in your story. Guy #1 was already drunk, and wound up embarrassing his friend(s) and missing out on a fun and important party.

Young woman #2 was also drunk, and if the worse thing she does in her drunk state is complain (with expletives) to the DJ, then that kindof sucks for you, but is worse for her. If she keeps up the drunk in public, while being rude and careless with her expletive filled comments, she has a sad life ahead of her.....

We in the party and celebration business see LOTS of drinking. But "lil" is right when he shares the wisdom of the wise drink slinger .... You can NOT reason, argue or make sense with a drunk, crazy person or a fool.

As an "entertainer" I am a little sensitive ;-) admittedly, but I have developed some techniques that help me. Ignoring drunks can be a good one. Killing them with kindness can work too - humor and sarcasm works to the point of making ME feel better ha ha.

Hang in there, and let those things roll off your well paid shoulders. IF anything, it's much sadder for the party hosts or bride and groom - just another day at the office for us, right?
 
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CMB

Active Member
You just gotta ignore it. But it's true you can only ignore it to a point.

I had a 20 year class reunion this past Saturday night. Typical reunion. A lot of talking, and some dancing. At the end of the night I'm asked to play 15 or 20 minutes more. At 10 minutes after 11, a group of ladies implement the request turn-style. The first comes up and says she wants some 80's hip hop. So I put some on. Shortly after that, the next lady comes up and and asks what is the next song. I tell her it's funky cold medina. She laughs and says that's funny. Then she says I need to fade out of the current song right now. I tell her that her friend requested it. And with a dumb-founded look says "really?, well get out of it anyway." She then said she wanted some newer bump and grind music....like Kid Rock. Kid Rock? I said. Like cowboy? She said YES! Because I knew they were all drunk and not paying I went ahead and mixed into Cowboy, thinking that she would go away. Well.... she stayed up there picking more songs. She said after cowboy go right into that Toto song. Africa? I said. YEAH! Then she wanted a Jason Derulo song. Then she told me to get out of the kid rock song. I did, but I went with the Jason Derulo song rather than Toto. So she leaves, and the third lady comes up, and says this is the gayest song she's ever heard. He she has a pissed off look on her face as she tells me to change it. So I let it play about half way and put on cha cha slide. Then all of them gather around and tell me that that's too new and they can't do it. But they request the Cupid Shuffle. So I said fine, the cupid shuffle is the last song of the night.

So except for the last 10 minutes of the night, it was a fun and easy reunion. It's crazy how drunk people can derail you with their stupid requests. You might as well just send them packing because you won't be able to please them anyway.
 

DJSTEVEZ

DJ Emeritus
CASE 2: I’m playing “Bill Medley & Jennifer Warnes – I’ve Had The Time Of My Life” as the second-to-last song. Full floor, Bride dancing, etc. A younger woman approached me and asked “Could you change this song, like right now? This is boring.” I said “I’m sorry but I’m only playing one more song and the Bride already picked it.”

Her response? “You’re such a f***ing c*nt.”

I was still enraged by the rude young woman and when I walked into the foyer, I saw her sitting on a couch, chugging a Corona and talking to one of the Bridesmaids. I approached her and said “I think you owe me an apology for the way you spoke tome.” She played dumb and said “I have no idea why you’re talking to me because I really don’t f***king care.”

My fists were clenching at this point I was so angry. I simply said “You are one of the rudest people I’ve ever encountered in my life.” and walked away before I lost my cool and started calling her a few choice things.
Dude, I hear ya. I recently posted an experience of dealing with a drunk hostess at a 1st Communion. It sucks. I can tell you this though, trying to argue a point with an intoxicated person is just as fruitful as having the same argument with the bottle they're drinking out of. Actually, you got a better shot of getting your point across to the bottle as it ain't gonna talk back or even worse take a swing at you. There's a saying amongst those in recovery from alcoholism: "Never try and argue with an open bottle". Again, I feel for you, been there myself. Props to you for maintaining your cool. Here's Dalton's advice on the matter, LOL.

[video=youtube;nTh5JzRziHE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=nTh5JzRziHE[/video]

PS...if anyone screws with your NEW BOSE L1/B2 speakers, that's when it's time to "Not Be Nice"!!!
 
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bill_smith

MobileBeat Moderator
Staff member
Yep, it's sad that people do not know how to act.

Gettingthe short end of that stick engenders a basic angry reaction, and frankly, no one on earth can prevent that from occurring, unless they are dead.

it's how you handle it that is important. I've chosen, despite my innate reaction to go nuclear and destroy all in my path to simply hold it in, and ignore the comments and make no reaction whatsoever.

This is the path of least resistance, and ultimately the path that will preclude potential angry or violent confrontations.

Without a doubt, it's the most difficult to do well...once. Two in one night, would stretch my patience to the breaking point.

I'm glad you escaped without any harm other than the emotional damage.
 

hippydog

wuz here when it was Red.
I just don’t get it. I just hit 17 years in the biz and it seems to me people have become ruder and ruder over time, especially in the past 3years or so.
Maybe I'm just getting older,
but I would 100% agree that people have become ruder..

I think I posted a rant myself a couple years back how for the first time I completely lost my cool and ended up shutting down the music just to get two young b*tches to shut the heck up (it was that or physically throw them off the stage..)

One thing I have noticed, is the B&G's that are anal about that only "their music" be played, IE : "we dont want a lot of <insert genre here> music", seems to also have the ruder guests.. I dont know what the connection is, but there does seem to be a connection..

actually.. now that I'm thinking about it.. maybe the connection is me..

Last night I had the brides sister come up and demand that I play more "upbeat music".. jeez.. keep in mind i just came off playing 6 songs IN A ROW of club music! then played one ballad, then segwayed into some oldies rock (chuck berry, chubby checker etc etc), and the floor was probably just as full as the "dance set" ...

At first I was like *wtf??* "upbeat?" (as I point to the full dance floor)
then she's like "ya.. more stuff for the younger kids.. its not just me.. the bride wants this too"..
so.. instead of shooting her down right there.. I first pull up a list of songs I have played in VDJ, and show her that I have played more dance music than anything else.. and then 2ND, I show her the wedding planner where (I agree) the Bride did want LOTS OF dance music, but DURING OUR TWO MEETINGS the bride 100% understood I DO NOT allow cutting out entire genres of music, and that i play at least some music for everyone..

So when I say "maybe the connection is me"
I think what has changed over time is I do not tolerate being treated as some servant or lackey.. No> the B&G or the brides mom, or the grooms second cousin is NOT always right.. and now that I am a lot clearer on what I perceive as my job description VS what others think.. things seem to have gone a lot better.. LOL
 

mcmusicdj

McMusic
We had a similar one a week ago. We were DJ'ing and providing Photobooth for the reception. Photobooth closed at 11:00. Around 11:15 a guy comes up saying that my Photobooth attendant says that the booth is closed but to come talk to you about letting our group go in. I said, "I'm sorry sir, the booth closed at 11:00, he's in the process of packing things away." I was trying to be polite. He then goes on, even pulling out a napkin and a pen and says, "here, just write IT'S OK on here and I'll take it to him." I said, "I'm sorry, we have a contract with the Bride & Groom for the booth to be open until 11. He even stayed open a few minutes later to accommodate the people that were in line at the time. The booth has been open for the past 3 hours, everyone has had plenty of opportunity to utilize it."
His response, "yeah, but we didn't have our group together earlier." Wha? Huh? So that's MY fault? Again, I politely apologized but that didn't help. Then he starts in on the "you know, it's the little things you can do for people that would really go a long way" guilt trip. I said to him that he's right, if he has a song request I'm more than happy to play it for him. He was confused for a second. Then I said, "have a great night" and put on the headphones to cue up the next song.
A short time later his girl comes up and requests a song, I said that I'll play it on one condition. "What's that?" she asked. I said, "keep your boyfriend away from me for the rest of the night." She laughed, stuck out her hand showing her ring, and said, "oh, that's my husband." I immediately replied, "I'm sorry". She got a bigger laugh out of that one, I told her that I'd play the song and she stuck out her hand for a fist-bump.

I totally agree with what was mentioned here a couple of times...you can't argue with an open bottle. When they arrive, it seems that the 20-30yr olds have two pre-conceived notions of the DJ: 1) he/she is either the coolest person in the room, or 2) they are the douchebag of the room. Alcohol seems to amplify either those thoughts exponentially as the night goes on.
 

Ausumm

Active Member
I know we’ve all complained about this subjectcountless times, but I have to just let loose about last night…

The Bride & Groom and the parents were stillthere and I actually thought about pulling them into it, just to embarrass thisgirl, but calmed myself enough that I decided to just let it go. But good golly I was mad!!!

This was more of a vent but if anyone would like tocomment, tell me what you would’ve done, share similar stories, I’m allears. Thanks!
(please don't be offended, I am only having fun in an effort to take the seriousness OUT of the issue at hand)

First of all...find your SPACE bar on your keyboard. Let me guess, you were using your phone?
Secondly...it's hard to show how MAD you are, when you use the word "golly"...
Lastly...(and seriously)...the best way to handle these, as most have said, is to ignore it.
Granted, you'll have to give them some kind of acknowledgement, otherwise they may never go away...
but for the most part, they are only TRYING to get a response out of you. They WANT an argument.
Humor also works, but NOT if it's directed AT them.
I guarantee that if someone had said, "you're a f*cking a**hole", and you replied, "you know me too well"...
they would probably NOT have anything else to say.
 

jodi

Active Member
Humor also works, but NOT if it's directed AT them.
I guarantee that if someone had said, "you're a f*cking a**hole", and you replied, "you know me too well"...
they would probably NOT have anything else to say.
Love it ... SO Smart!
 
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jimeppes

New Member
"you're a f*cking a**hole"

You know.. that is the same thing my Sunday School Teacher called me.... hhmmmmm

lil jackass jimmy
 

djnutz

Member
This is a really old photo of me working a large nightclub. The lady is complaining about the song I was playing, saying something about no one liking it. The dancefloor was packed. I simply pointed to the crowded dancefloor and turned up the volume. The ignore method worked quite well.

 

UNDJ

Member
LOL. That is funny Ausumm.

To all,thanks so much for the advice and anecdotes. Believe me, I’ve let similar situations roll of my back many times, butlike Bill Smith said, two in one night just about pushed me over the edge.

As for myspace bar issues, I’m not sure what is going on. When I try to make a post the site will notlet me use my “Enter” button. So, I mademy post on Word and copied it in. Lookslike there’s a glitch there too. If thispost is also mashed up I apologize. (MODS – CAN YOU HELP?)

“Goodgolly” is a clean version of another term which I really meant. I try to keep it clean and sarcastic on here.

Iactually thought of coming back to the a-hole comment with “Actually, my wifecalls me that all the time. How did youknow?” (That’s not true at all BTW, LOL).

As forthe girl, in hind sight, I should’ve came back with “Will you make out with me?”
[QUOTE=Ausumm;596813](please don't be offended, I am only having fun in an effort to take the seriousness OUT of the issue at hand)

First of all...find your SPACE bar on your keyboard. Let me guess, you were using your phone?
Secondly...it's hard to show how MAD you are, when you use the word "golly"...
Lastly...(and seriously)...the best way to handle these, as most have said, is to ignore it.
Granted, you'll have to give them some kind of acknowledgement, otherwise they may never go away...
but for the most part, they are only TRYING to get a response out of you. They WANT an argument.
Humor also works, but NOT if it's directed AT them.
I guarantee that if someone had said, "you're a f*cking a**hole", and you replied, "you know me too well"...
they would probably NOT have anything else to say.[/QUOTE]
 
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